


I Fall So Hard That I Can't Stand Alone Anymore

by aar13



Series: The Wounded Man I Loved [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Agony, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Depression, F/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 19:59:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7375471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aar13/pseuds/aar13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky and Gemma relationship are getting stronger. After serial events in CACW, Bucky has to leave her, left her in agony. Somehow they can reunited again but Bucky made terms she doesn't like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Life is Great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the second part from The Wounded Man I Loved.   
> The timeline should be before and after CACW. I still love the idea for Bucky get his girl. I tried my best not to change the original plots from MCU, just add a little more extra in it. 
> 
> Still need to say, English is not my main language so please be kind and go easy on my grammars ;)

I still in the hospital,my shift will be over in 3 hours. I just make my way from ICU to ER, pass the waiting room when i see the newsflash on TV. It was a bombing i guess in Wakanda. I don't know where Wakanda is,I think it's in Africa. My geographic is so bad,i can even get lost eventough i had a map. It was awful there's a lot of casualties. The news anchor said the Wakanda government blame Avengers for the blast. It said it was a bad side effect of the vigilante action from the Avengers. In my opinion ,i can't exactly blame them for what happen in Wakanda. Their purpose was good,they just want to catch the bad guys. I think maybe if they not came for save the day there be more casualties than now. Besides i don't think Avengers is bad people,i mean their leader Captain America is used to be Bucky's bestfriend. Well maybe until now if they have a chance to talk to each other heart by heart. What happen to them it's not their fault. Hydra took the responsibility,i talk about this with Bucky,but he just don't want to discuss it with me. He said he likes his life now,and the chance of losing me for join the Avengers freaks him. I lied if I'm say that I'm not flattered when he said that,because that's mean he put me first over everything.

Yes my life with Bucky is going great. We spent a lot of time together,i love him more than anything in this world. Our bond getting stronger,in fact he's the only person i got in this world. I'm not good at making friends,my parents said it might because my antisocial trait. Well,i don't like to be called antisocial,the terms of prefer to spend the day at home or just sitting at corner booth of small coffe shop with my earphones on and a book in my hand sounds better to me. We haven't decided to live together,we still have our own apartments. It's just sometimes i spent night at his or vise versa. Eventough our relationship is steady,never in my mind thinking about marriage or kids. It doesn't mean i don't want to have one someday,i do like kids. But in our condition right now,pregnancy and parenthood not the best idea. He still have nightmares,even it's not so often like before,but when he has it broke his down. And i have to do everything to soothe him up. I hate to see him when he was like that,it brokes my heart too. That's way children will only gives us more troubles right now. Maybe one day if he has managed his fear we will think about it. For know i still get my depo shot regularly. He hates condoms. For marriage i think we will pass that for unknown period of times.

...

I leave the hospital as soon as i can. I promise him to make dinner tonight. When i get to his place, he's sitting at the couch watching the news,same topic as the one i saw before,the blast in Wakanda. I sit next to him,grab his right hand and put it over my head,i put my head on his chest. Put my arms around his abdomen not saying a word,just join him watching the news.

When the news over,I held up my head to see his face,his face is so stiff. I kiss his scruffy double-chin,he look down to me,his face softened,he smile and kiss my forehead. I know he's mind is working hard right now. But i don't want to give him more trouble by asking about what's going on in his mind. If he want to tell me,he will.

I get up to the kitchen prepare for dinner. He get up too,walk behind me to helping me cooking dinner. I told him to leave all that to me, but i know how's stubborn he can be so i let him help me. We open a bottle of wine, and drink it while we cook dinner. There's no dinning table at Bucky's so we just eat our dinner at the kitchen counter. We share story about our day, it's been 6 months since Bucky got his steady job as a contractor. He's suprisingly good at making something. He told me that he will join project to build a house and there will be a good amount of money on it. I smile proudly to him,the fact that he can cope his fears aside and put it to something more usefull is making me so proud of him. We finished our dinner,he's not let me clean the dishes. So i just watch his back when he washing the plates.

I stand up and hug him from behind when he's finish his chore. I burried my face on his back,he held my hand. He let me doing that and stay still for minutes. Then he turn his back slowly. His eyes look at me full of affection,he cares my face with his metal hand. I'm glad he's not to afraid to touch me with his metal hand anymore. Because it means he has more control of it right now and not the opposite. When his left hand touch my cheek,it feels cold but it surely soothing. I smile at him,stand on my tip toes so i can reach his lips and kiss him. He help me make it easier with bending his body a little so i can reach him easily. He kiss me sweet,he open his mouth and let my tongue slide into his, he bite my lower lip lightly. He lift me and make it to the couch. He sit there with me still on his lap. I pull his shirt off as i still kiss him passionately. His hands already at the hem of my sweater too,he pull it up over my head and start to kissing my neck,trail his tongue to my ears,whispering some sexy words in Romanian. Eventough we used English as our daily language but the idea of him speaking Romanian when we have sexy times like this it's whole lot better,because it's 150% sexier when he said with his husky panting voices.

He unhooked my bra strap and throw it away to the floor. He kiss my boobs one by one, suck them and nibbling teasing me. He swirling my nipples with his tongue and pinch them lightly with his metal arm. When he does that it gives me shocking sensation that makes me turn on more. I trail my hands on his chest to his abs,i scratch it a little with my nails. Move down to his v shape,i touch his abs hair which is connect to his brunette pubic hair. I open his jeans button,unzip his fly,and slide down my hands into his brief freeing his big hard throbbing cock. I held the shaft and give a good grip on it. He flich and groan. I lower my body and down to the floor in front of his spread legs.i still have my panty on but is now feels so damp because my cunt already wet like shit. I got his cock in my hand make a slowly move up and down,he tilt his head back,groaning louder. I licked the tip of cock,cleaning the precum on it,lick down to the neck and make my way to all over it. He's panting harder. I put it in my mouth,my tongue makes swirl move as i suck it. I swallow it till it bump the back of my throat. And move in and out keep sucking and twirling. I feel it getting bigger and bigger in my mouth. As his body start to twitching and i know he gonna cum anytime soon i put my hands on his hip makes sure i not letting this go. He swear and screaming my names as he spurt his warm semen in my mouth. I swallowed it like usual,i like the taste of him,it makes me aroused more. I clean him good and move my body to his lap. I move my wet cunt on his thighs. His hand trailing my back,going down to my butt. He slide down my unusefull panty, his hand makes his way to my opening. He tickling it,as he put his other finger to stimulate my clit. I grap his wrist,panting i said to him.

"Please baby,just put it in me now."

I know how fast he can recover and get hard again. He grant my wish,and help me make my way to ride his cock. I go down as slow as i can. I wanna feel him filling my hole completely. As he already inside me fully,i make back and forth move with my one hand on his thigh and the other one his shoulder. He looked down,enjoy watching my cunt eat his cock as i make up and down move,his hands in my hip,secure me so I'm not falling when I'm bouncing to hard. I can see his lusty eyes when he look at me,i try my best to keep eye contact with him but the sensation it's too crazy. I even tearing in corner of my eyes,i can hold it anymore. I think I'm gonna cum in a minute. I arch my back,tilt my head back,i came so hard so fucking hard as i need seconds to gain my awarness. I close my eyes enjoying every thrill i get. He stil move his hip and as his breath sound become rough i know he gonna cum anytime soon. He always be a loud one,he make beastly sound like a growl when he emptying himself inside me. I can feel his semen flooding my vagina it feels so warm and so good. He buried his head on my breast still panting and try to catch his breath. I let him takes his times, beside i don't wanna him pull out yet. I like the sensation when his going soften inside me. So i take my times too. Enjoying every seconds of it when we're connected.


	2. I've Told You..

He lift me and took me to the bathroom,put me in the tube then turn the warm water on. He kiss my forehead and leave me in the tube,go to kitchen and back with a bottle of wine that we already opened before and 2 glasses. He pour it to the glass and give it to me, i sip a little and put it on bathroom sink. As the water already fill almost half full,he took vanilla bean bath foam from the counter pour it little into the the tube and join inside with me. I let him sit comfortably first before positioning myself into his reach and let him spooning me awhile as we enjoy the warm water.

I rest my head on his chest,he grab a loofah and start to foaming my shoulder and my front body with bath foam. I let him do that,i giggling when he teasingly tickling me. He push me gently so he can work with the backside of my body. As he finish,i curl up my body again press into him and rest my head again on his chest. We stay silent for awhile. He close his eyes,i held my head up to see his resting face. I love his unshave face,it makes him more masculine. He once asked me do i want him to clean shave his face and cut his hair. I said no and asked why he asked that silly questions,he said it's because i ever told him that the Sargeant Barnes version of him is so handsome and he was so clean at time. I laugh myself so hard and i told him, I prefer my caveman version of Bucky Barnes more than anything.

He's aware i spying on him,he open his eyes and look down to me. He smile as he caressed my upper arm.

"What?" He asked

"Hmm,nothing.." i put a naughty smile on my lips

He's tickling my waist. I giggle and wriggle my body. He put his hand around my waist and hold me closer. And whisper in my left ear.

"What a naughty girl,you are. Do you want to be punish?" He asked teasingly I giggling more and kiss his nose,he scrunch his nose and giggled too.

...

"What's bothering you Gemma?" He asked again softly

I look at him,close my eyes and makes my head thinking harder and faster to find the right words.

"Well,it's more because i worried about you,Buck" He lift one of his eyebrow

"Worrying about me?" He asked.

"Yeah,i mean.. the news, the blast, the Avengers"

"I knew you for almost 2 years darling,when you saw the news,i know something troubling you." I said carefully.

"I understand if you don't wanna talk about this,but i just want to make sure that you aware i always here for you."

"In case you changing your mind and decide to share it me." I gave him weak smile.

He sigh,burried his face in my back hair,kiss it.

..

"Thank you." He said almost whispering.

"For what?" I asked confusedly

"For caring for me that much."

.

"I told you for the first time we together right?"

"And I planned to keep it that way." I grab his hands which still around my waist,give him firm grip


	3. It Hurts

The sun is already rise. I looked at the clock,it's already 8am. I'm overslept. We spent night at my place, Bucky has gone to the gym, I think. He always go to Gym at 6.30am and never missed it. He usually be back at 08.30 and we have breakfast together. It's my day off so i don't have to rush to hospital for my morning shift. I walk slowly to bathroom and brush my teeth. My dark circle is getting worse, the job as ER doctor makes me has to give up my sleeping hours.

Yawning,i walk back to the kitchen. Bucky already makes a coffe. I reach a mug at the cabinet and poured coffe into it. Sip it a little while checking my phones. There's voicemail from Francis,he's my fellow doctor in Bucharest National Hospital. He needs me to sent email about patients report which i totaly forget about it. I reach my laptop and send it right away.

I move to living room turn on the TV and watch morning show. It's so funny when the mc tried a new hair product and failed brunt his hair. Just seconds after that there's flash news about another bombing in Vienna at the UN HQ. It held a conference about Sokovia Accord or something like that.

My jaw drops ,i can't believe what i see. The news said that the bomber identified as James Buchanan Barnes aka Winter Soldier. There's video footage confirmed about that. They said that there are casualties including the King of Wakanda, T'Chaka. The news has end. But i still feeze,i still can't believe what i just saw. How can that be possible,i mean Bucky was there with me all night. I think i slept at 2 am last night,but he was sleeping too beside me. There's no way he going to Vienna. If it's possible for him to go Vienna but come on! Bombing. Bucky won't do something like that.He won't hurt anyone. He never done that to anyone,since a long time ago,when he was still Winter's Soldier.

He's changed,it's imposibble.

My body shaking,tears coing from the corner of my eyes. I grab my phone try to call him. But he didn't answer, i leave him some voice mail,asked him to come back home immediately. I worried, i can't imagined what could happen to him. They gonna looking for him,put him in cell,torturing him again. I burst into tears just to imagined what possibly could happen to him if he get captured. My legs feels so weak,i drop my knees,still trying to make calls.

...

He finally answer my call,i try not to sobbing

"Bucky,where are you? Are you Okay?" I asked worryingly

"Come back home,please" I insist him

His voices crackled, I can't hear him clearly

"I can't baby, i'm sorry"

"Gemma, baby listen to me carefuly,it's not me,I'm not doing it"

"I know Buck,you won't hurt anyone anymore." I answer immediately

"Baby,I might has to run, this maybe my last call to you for unknown period of time."

I can't hold my sobbing when he say his last sentence.

"I promised I'll fix it,and when it all gets better I come to pick you up." He continued carefully

"But now,i need you to lay low, I need you to stay save"

"Listen to me, I love you Gemma"

"But I.. But I need you to act like i never exist in your life,i need you to forget about me"

"If someone asked you about me just tell them you don't know where I am and I already left you"

"I promised I'll be back for you."

"I'm sorry my love"

He hanged out the call.

I tried to call him again,but it won't connected. Deep down i know he already destroy his phone. He will throw anything that have connection with me. He will makes sure that i will stay save. He will act like i don't exist in his life.

He will dissappear.

I scrunch, I wrapped my arm around my waist and cried for hours.

...

I wake up with my eyes feel numb and i think it's swollen, i think i cried till i slept in living room. It's already evening. I get up to turn on the TV,i don't wanna hear the news but i need too. I need to know his condition.

Are they already catch him?

Is he successfully ran away?

Is he gonna be okay?

I glupped before i press the on button. The News still aired about the bombing. My deepest fear revealed. They're already catch him. There's a chasing accident highway. There's a lot damage. And people blame him more because of that. The anchor said. That Captain America help him escape before the authority catch him back. There's a small hope in my heart when i heard about it, at least he's not alone,he has his bestfriend beside him.

I cannot watch the news anymore,i turn in off and straight to bed.

I take his used shirt from the floor, i put his shirt around me,I smell it, there's still left of his scent on it. I grab it tighter to my chest and went to sleep.


	4. I Trust You

I spend my daily basis like usual.

Wake up, breakfast, going to hospital, back home, dinner, sleep repeat over and over.

I did it since the next day Bucky left, i didn't wanna kept whining about what happen. I have to move on. I'm sure Bucky will think the same way too if he's around. Besides his last message for me is to lay low and be safe. The best things to stay low is doing anything i usually do, get to work, back home and not doing anything stupid.

It's been 7 weeks since Bucky left, I'm not watch TV too often lately,besides I'm too afraid to hear anything bad about him, and also I think that most of them is rubbish. They judging and talking shit about him like they knew him. But still it will be stupid if I'm not update myself with the news so i take the important ones and leave the rest.

Last things i heard about him that he ran away from his cell in Berlin and with help from Captain America and his allies he stoles a jet and remaining MIA. Today newspaper headlines is that the secret government prison The Raft has been breach and Cap's allies escaped. Media accused Captain America and Bucky was behind all of that. Well,suprisingly i think the same way too and this makes me a lil bit relieved because it means Bucky's still alive.

God, i miss him so much.

I got pretty bad sleep deprived, i took Xanax occasionally,it helps me sleeping. But nightmares is other issue, it happen more often lately, Bucky used to soothe me,and hold me tight until i fall asleep. Now,i woke up alone,without him beside me and it sucks.

If Xanax won't even work,i spent my nights watching cheesy soap opera we used to watch when we were bored. We used to laughed and comment the show,but actually we really didn't care about it. It just our reason to spooning longer. I miss his warmth when he hug me. I cried watching the show even the people in it laugh and doing stupid things. I hug my knees, buried my face on my thighs, I really need him.

...

I wake up, I'm overslept in the couch again still hugging my knees, TV still on. I'm awake because i feel cold and it was windy inside the room. I tought i might forget to close windows in my bedroom. I turn off TV and walking weakly to my bedroom. It's still dark, the lights still out, I close the windows,the wind stop. Suddenly from the dark corner of my room i hear familiar voices,the voices that I'm dying to hear again.

My favorite low husky voices.

"Gemma." I turn my back immediately, i can see anything it's so dark.

"BUCKY?"

"lower your voice,babe" He answers whisperly

The lights from the billboard outside the building changes and give a slight light to the place where he's stand.

Yes,it's him!

I walk toward him immediately, almost running,my leg tripping at a folded rug.

I fall,but he catch me in his arm.

The lights outside changes again,I can see his face just 10 cm away from mine,I can't hold my tears. I hug his neck,i jump onto him. He purposely fall himself to the wall and sit on the floor with me still clinging on him. I buried my face in his shoulder i cry loudly,i don't care if he calling me cry baby.

I miss him so much,i need him.

...

"Darling..." he said whisperly

I loosened my grip to see his face. He was still the Bucky I always knew. He smile to me dearly,he caressed my cheek,wipes my tears with his thumb. His flesh thumb. I hold his hand and let it stay cupping my cheek. I close my eyes,i feel the warmth of his board hand on my cheek.

"Gem,baby.." I open my eyes when he called my name.

He still there. I burst into more happy tears. I let go his hand from my cheek. It's still dark,the lights from outside just light his face a little.

"Am i dreaming?" I start doubting what i see right now

"No darling,your not dreaming. It's me,I'm here." he said softly.

He strokes my messy hair gently,i bet i look so awful right now. Red puffy eyes, greasy messy hair, pale face.

"Baby can i ask you a favor?" He asked carefully

"Yes anything.. anything Bucky."

He smile, "Could you locked all the doors and windows, close the curtains, and just turn on the desk lamp on living room and the kitchen"

I stand and do what he asked. When I finish turn the last lamp in the kitchen,he already standing in my bedroom door. He stepped out to the light. I gasped when i saw him,his metal arm it's gone.

I walk toward him. I touch his left shoulder which is now covered with black fabric. I don't know how to react to his lost-arm.

He touch my chin push up so he can see my face. Our eyes meet

"When the last time you sleep?" He asked worryingly

It must be because my dark circles has become worse than ever.

"Well, i sleep enough,thanks to Xanax" i give him a weak smile

He's clenched his jaw,he always do that if he feel disturbed

"And the last time you eat?" He asked again

Well,that's i forgot. I really don't know when the last time have a proper food. I usually just eat whatever food in my fridge,but because i didn't have the urge to go to shop , my fridge is nearly empty. So,i guess it was yesterday morning when Irina,my colleague gave me her chocolate bread.

..

He sigh and pull me to his chest. He buried his face in my hair. He pull me tightly.

"I'm sorry, i'm so sorry Gemma." I realised there's tears falling from his eyes,i can feel the warmth on my scalp

"You don't deserves this,i should treat you better than this"

"I should come sooner to you, it's all my fault."

...

"I'm sorry,i failed you"

I tried to free myself from his hug. Look into his eyes angry

"What do you mean i don't deserves this?"

"I survive till today because of you, because i believe you will come back to me"

"And you did, you're here Bucky. You never failed me."

He looked at me,i know he's still blaming himself.

..

"I'm okay" i tried to give my sincerest smile to him.

He still in doubts,he looks so miserable.

...

"Bucky." I asked carefully

"What's next?"

"Could you stay?"

He close his eyes for seconds,tried to pull himself. He gave me a weak smile

"No,baby I'm sorry, I can't"

"It's to dangerous if i I stay,they're still looking for me"

I start feeling nauseous when i heard him. Is he come just to say another goodbye to me, i will loose myself, i don't think i can deal with that, my knees feel weak.

..

"Look,listen to me. I want you to think about this very carefully" he said looks so serious.

"The reason i came here,it's to asked you to come with me."

"YES!" I answer quickly without hesitate.

He still look at me with serious expression, but corner of his lips arch up a bit after my last answer.

"Wait.. easy my love."

"I want you to really think about it twice,because there's no turning back after you get involved."

I looked confuse "Why are you talking like that? Are we gonna do something ilegal."

His expression changes,there's giggled in his voices when he answering

"Yeah,kind of.. the fact that you're with me it's already ilegal,babe. so.. it migh be more ilegal than before i supposed"

"I'm gonna go to some secret place in Wakanda."

.

"Wakanda? Africa?" I asked confusedly

"Yeah,Gemma.. King T'Chala, gives us place to stay there. He has a laboratorium and group of scientists there."

"He thinks that he can find a cure for me.. to regain my full control of my minds"

...

"I can't even trust my own mind,Gemma."

"I don't wanna hurt anyone,anymore.."

.

"You won't,you won't hurt anyone,Bucky." I ensure him.

...

"I am,Gemma.. I'm already hurt my friends in Berlin.."

" I can't let that happen again,especially with you around me." He looks so hurt.

"That's why, i think the best way to make sure that's not happening again is for me to go under."

" At least until they find a cure."

.

"Under? You mean.." I asked nervously 

"Yes Gem,I already asked them to put me back in cryo when i get back."

.

"What.." i chocked

"You can't, you gonna leave me again?" I disagree.

"I'm not gonna leave, they just put me to sleep." He face look so hopeless

"It's the best way i can think about,babe.."

"For a greater good."

...

I froze, my face become paler,i think it become as white as ghost, my hand start to shaking.

He looks worried,but he continue.

"But i want to make sure you be safe when i'm not around."

"Our relationship will be exposed soon or later, and they can use you to hurt me, they can.. " He stopped and take a deep breath

...

"That's why i asked Steve and T'Chala to help me to pick you up with us,maybe not with us in Wakanda but i think they will find some place safe for you to stay."

"It's like witness protection program."

"Maybe you will join Barton's family,they're good people. His kids are the sweetest,I'm sure you gonna like them." He give me a weak smile.

I still froze,my head works so hard to understand all of this

"So what's you trying to say is, you pick me up,but i can't be with you."

"That not the point,Gemma.." he said

"God, how do i put this right." He looks so hopeless

...

"Then let me stay with you, wherever you are.." I said determinedly

"BECAUSE IT'S NOT SAFE!" He rise his voices tone

I flinched in shock

...

"Oh baby I'm sorry." He looks regret,he loose his temper.

..

"All I can think is your safety,I just don't want anything to hurt you." He said carefully

..

"Bucky, we only have 5 minutes left,please be hurry" a voices come from his ear comm

"Copy that" he answer to a device on his wrist

"We don't have much time,baby. I've pack your clothes" as he put my red carrier to his back.

He handed my jacket

"We have to go now."

I still froze,I'm not completely agree with his terms, i still want to argue my chance to stay with him.

"Unless you want to stay.. i can't forc... " He look at me hopelessly

I grab my jacket from his hand before he finish his sentence,

"I come" as i put it on and take his hand.

We step out to my balcony

"Sam?" He talk again to the device on his wrist.

"All clear" another voice answer from his ear comm

He shoot to the sky,eventually it's like a hook or something and attach it just in middle of the air. I blinkes my eyes,can't believe what i just see. There's a jet appear from mid air. He makes sure the rope is secure,he offered his hand to me

"Gemma are you ready?"

I took his hand put my arms around him

"Do you trust me?" I nodded.

He twitched the rope to give a signal. It pulls us up to the jet. We landed safely inside. As he unhook my safety gear, someone flying and landing in front of me. He push the red button panel to close the plane's door. He open his goggles, with his wide smile, he offered me a handshakes.

"Welcome aboard, baby girl."

"My name is.."

"You're Falcon,right" I  answer before he finish his introduction.

"Yeah,all my friends called me Sam, you too" he winked.

"Give her a break Sam,she still in shock i guess."

A voice comes from behind me, i turn my back

"Captain America" i speak spontaneously.

"Yes,but i prefer to be called with Steve,mam" he said politely,nodded at me.

"We'll leave now to Wakanda,ETA 0300 Wakanda's time." He continue.

"Buckle up,gents.. and mam" he smile to me and back to cockpit.

Bucky already secure my red carrier into plane's cabin. He hold my hand and guide me to passenger seat,buckle me up, make sure the seat belt secure and sit in front of me. Sam joins Steve in Cockpit,he used to be in AirForce if I'm not mistaken. I bet he good with plane.

"Are you guys okay back there" Steve asked

"Yeah."Bucky answer him,his eyes still watching me continuesly.

The plane start to take off,after a while the seat belt sign turn off. Bucky take his seat belt off, and he takes out mine too. His hand caressed my hair as he standing,goes to cockpit to talk to Sam.

"Yeah,i think they put several on the med kit,it's near the light pannel." Sam answering.

Bucky's nodded and went to light panel to get the med kit. He took something from it and walk toward me. He sit in front of me again. Lean his body to nearer the distance between me and him. He handed me something. It's a nutribar. As a doctor i know that this bar usually given to malnutrition patient. It fulls with calories.

"Do you know how much calories in that thing." I rised one of my eyebrow,not so amuse

He nodded, "Eat this, you need it Gem"

"It's good, I promised"

Hesitantly,I take it from him. I looked at him again. He still watching me. Give me I sign to eat that nutribar. I bite it a little, he's right it tastes good. I bite a lil bit more. I am hungry as fuck, in minutes i almost finish the bar. I peep at him again. His position still the same, still watching me closely but now there's a weak smile on his lips. I finish my bar. I lay my eyes on him, our eyes meet. I stay silent as he's. I smile to him a little,but his expression stay the same. He's not smiling again, he looks at me so serious. Serious but there's still sadness in his eyes. I know his mind's already in chaos right now. So i decide not to saying anything to him. Just stares him back.

"Guys get some room,for Godsake."

"It's so intense back there,don't you think Steve" Sam tried to break the ice between us.

"Just leave them alone,Sam" Steve replied

"Gemma you should get some rest, there's a blanket under your seat." Steve said to me.

I nodded,reach the blanket,wrap it around me. Steve right it's no use to challenge Bucky at staring contest,he win easily. I tried to close my eyes,i am exhausting. Great, hungry and exhausting. Good combination.

After a long time,i sleep like a baby.


	5. The Arrival

Bucky called my name softly. Wake me up when we finally arrived at Wakanda. I look at the window. It's still dark outside. We're not landing in the city or any urban area,instead we fly above sea of forest. Not so long,i see a white building in the horizon. As we get near to it, I realized it's a huge,modern yet futuristic building, very contrast with the jungle. There's a big panther statue in front of it.

The jet finally landing,Bucky takes my carrier,i stand beside him. As the engine stop,Sam and Steve join us at the rear door. The door open, there's a man standing at the deck with his entourage behind him,which i think is his security guards. I realized he's the King T'Chala. He greet me warmly ,introducing himself.

"Welcome to Wakanda, Dr.Grey." He offered me a handshakes.

"Please call me Gemma, Your Highness." I replied

"How's your flight,i hope the gentlemen treat you alright." He speaks politely

"Yeah,they did. By the way thank you for having me here."

"Come let me show you around and introducing you to everyone." He shows me the way and walk beside me.

As we enter the building, a beautiful girl come from the glass door near us. I know she's the Scarlett Witch,i think her real name is Wanda. People blame her for Wakanda's blast 2 months ago. I know it's not her fault,she just tried to save more people,but hell,society is cruel.

Thanks to my insanity for keeping me updated about the Avengers news, so at least i know some of their names. I know that is has been a crash inside their squad, they called them Iron Man's team and Cap's team. I think Bucky is the main reason of their problems. Maybe there's connection between it and the reason why he lost his metal arm. Bucky haven't told me anything about that. He still disturbed after seeing my condition,which actually i don't really care that much

The girl approach to us,followed by 2 men behind her. I know they're Hawkeye and Antman. She gives me a warm welcome,she hugs and kiss both of my cheeks two times. Maybe my arrival give her excitement for not being the only girl in place full of grown-up men.

"Hi, I'm Wanda it's very nice to see you Gemma, can i call you like that" her eyes sparkling when she talks to me.

"Sure, nice to meet you too Wanda." I replied her and give her my sincerest smile.

She steps back let the men behind her introduced themself to me.

"Hi,I'm Clint Ba.." he said and give me a firm handshakes

"Barton" I continued his sentence.

"I know, and you're Scott right?" I asked the other man beside him.

"Scott Lang,at your service mam, Finally" he grabs my shoulders give them firm grip with excitement in his eyes.

"No ones recognized you before?Huh,Lang?" Sam asked him wittily.

"Shut up bird, just let me enjoy my moment" He give fierce look to him

.

"Stop fighting boys, mind your attitudes in front of Your Majesty." Steve said and give T'Chala sorry looks.

The King just nodded,and continue escort me to show the rest of his building to me. He takes me to the lab, the recreation room, the dinning room,the kitchen. He even walked me to his garden,it's a beautiful tropical garden with a lot of colours and diversity of spesies of flowers. He show me the med bay,and asked his doctor to examine me this afternoon after i get a little rest. Finally he shows me my room,and asked me to get clean and rest a while before breakfast. The squad finally devides,and leave me alone in my room. I see the sun rise from my window. Bucky leaves my carrier beside my bed,he kiss my forehead before leave me in my room and finally I'm alone.

I'm tired,I sit in the corner of my bed and re-thinking what just happen in the past hours. I was still work my ass off at the hospital yesterday tried to get a distraction from my sorrow and now I'm here in Africa,with Bucky and his friends. And they're treat me so nice and give me a warm welcome.


	6. Bad Terms

I take a cold shower, put my clothes and walk to the dinning room to get some breakfast like i have been told. When i open my door, Bucky already there, lay his back over the wall in front of my door. I wonder how long he has been waiting for me there. I smile to him and hug him,he deserves it. He pat my head gently and kiss my hair. He told me his room is just 2 rooms next to mine besides Wanda's and Steve's. He wrap his arm around my shoulder as we walk to the dinning room. Sam, Steve and Wanda are already there. They we're laughing at Sam's jokes. Steve stands from his chair as i approach the table, Bucky pulls a chair for me. They're both are really such a gentleman,maybe it's because they ever lived in different era. Sam tells us more jokes. Clint and Scott already join us. Not long after that,the King come over the Dinning and join us for breakfast,he sit at the chair on the corner next to Steve and Sam. We talked about many things,mostly about me.

After we finish our breakfast, T'Chala puts serious expression as we get out from dinning room.

"Gemma,could you come to the lab and meet me at my study room this afternoon after you finish your health check-up? He asked

"Yeah,of course Your Majesty." I replied

He smiles "Called me T'Chala, you're my friend, you don't have to called my title all the times."

"Ok,Yo.. I mean T'Chala" i answer him.

Such a humble King he is. I wonder he must be very loved by his people.

..

Bucky is tailing me almost everywhere this morning. Finally i can make sure to leave me alone to get my medical check-up. He leave me in med bay. I finally get my medical check-up done. Wakanda's doctors explain to me that i might have to gained my weight a little bit more,and suggest me to have routine appointments with their psychiatrist. They said i showed depression symptoms on my psychology test. Well,as a doctor i already know that I'm little bit off the couple of month. Take their help won't hurt anyone. So i just let them make a schedule for me. It's already evening when i finish all my med check. They doing serial of tests and even force me to add protein broth on my luch menu. That's too much, I mean, I just not eat properly lately not stranded in deserted area. But still i do what I've been asked. I don't wanna put more trouble to anyone.

The sun is already set,i walk to the lab and straight to T'Chala's study room. I knocked the door and he asked me to come in. Steve and Bucky have already there waiting for me. T'Chala over me to sit on the sofa next to Bucky. He, himself sit in front of me next to Steve. I'm little bit confused why they act like they will judging and interrogating me like I'm a school girl that made a huge mistake like punching a teacher in her face because she called me stupid.

I look to Bucky,he just starring at me look so serious yet disturbed.

"So,there're some reasons i call you here,Gemma." T'Chala open the conversations.

"You must be aware about our plan to put James under in cryo until we find a cure for him."

I froze, i already know the directions where this conversation gonna end.

" We decided to doing that in 3 days from now that's mean next Thursday."

.

I scream in my head "3 days? Are you fucking crazy!!" But my lips still sealed.

.

"So we've thinking about to move you to another safe place as James and Steve asked me."

"I've been doing it for Clint's family too."

"His wife,Laura and the kids have been evacuate to someplace secret and safe."

"I also put my best soldiers to make sure they're alright."

"There 2 options on this things"

"First, you can join with Laura and the kids and live with them so you don't have to be alone."

"I already asked her,and she thinks it's a brilliant idea."

"Second, i can arrange a place to you and doing like what I've done to the Bartons for you too."

...

"So,what do you thinks?" He asked me

.

What do you thinks he said.

Fuck him, Fuck Steve, Fuck Bucky!!

I swears to them in my head. My body still in T'Chala's room keep silent but my mind already explode.  This all are full of shits.

"How about third options?" I asked him,i can't control my facial expressions anymore. There's angry in my voice tones.

Bucky sigh. "Gemma,please.."

I ignore him

"How about if i just stay here,in Wakanda. I stay here until you and your scientists make a way to make him better?"

"IF! You worry about my safety,Bucky. I'm sure this place is have enough safety more than i need"

"The King got his best soldier in here,beside there's Captain in here too."

"I gues it's more than enough for me to be SAFE!!"

"If you afraid that i will be a burden, believe me, I won't!"

"I know my boundaries,if i don't, I'm a fast learner. It won't be an issue" I talked so angry,i have to catch my breath to continue.

"I've made my decision, you're already brought me here. That's mean i stay till it all over."

"And NO ONE can change my minds about that."

Everyone still in silent.

They look at me shockingly

...

"I think this conversation is over, excuse me Your Majesty." I stand from the sofa,make my way to exit the study room.

..

Bucky try to catch me up. When he almost got my wrist,i dodge him.

"NO BUCKY!! NOT NOW" I yell at him

My tears coming from corner of my eyes,my body shaking

"Just leave alone,you're the least person, i want to talk to right now." I turn my back, and leave him alone.

He just stand froze. I leave him in agony.


	7. Story Of The Bee

I make it to my room, lock the door. Muffled my screaming with a pillow. I scrunch while hug the pillow,and cry again. This time not a sad, angst cry like i usually do. But more like angry and agony cry that make me hate myself too. Because i know deep down they mean well,but i just.. i just don't want them decide about my future with Bucky.

..

I cannot sleep, I look at the clock,it's already 2am I got bored in my room, i decide to take a walk. I open my door a little,take a peek. Bucky is not here. I walk through the dinning room to the recreational room. I see T'Chala's garden from the window and decide to go there instead. I sit at the garden chair,put off my slipper and feel the grass in my foot. It's fullmoon,the garden looks so wonderful under the moonlight. I close my eyes enjoying the sound from the waterfall. I open my eyes when i hear some strange sound.

"It's me Gemma." Steve appear from the bushes next to orchid area.

"Am i disturbing you,may I join you sit there?"he asked politely

I look at him,his face looks sincere.

I move a bit give him a place to sit beside me

"Thank you." He said

"You look so tense, you know I'm here for you too,Gem"

"Some modern study said if you share your problem with someone,it will make you feel relieved."

"Like your steps feel lighter than before" He smiled to me with sympathy

"You know,I'm all ears if you want to share your burden to me. I'll be glad to become your rubbish bin." He continued 

"Rubbish bin?" I lift one of my eyebrow.

"It's the term for someone who hearing your sorrow,and make your mind feel lighter because you like throwing all the bad and keeping the best one,right" He explained to me with serious expression.

I giggled.

He's no different with Bucky,an old soul with weird point of view.

"There she is,you so beautiful when you smile."

" No wonder, Bucky is so devoted to you"

When i hear his name,my heart ache a bit. He's right,Bucky doing everything to make sure I'm alright but i just hurt him this afternoon.

I keep silent.

...

"Do you know what he said to me before we picked you up at Bucharest,Gemma?" He asked

I shake my head

"He said, I quote, "there's a girl, she means worlds for me. I promise her to come back. She must be waiting for me. I need her,Steve. I can't lose her." "

He stop. He look at me

"First time i hear about his idea to grab you,i decline it immediately."

"The idea for drag you to all of this its not the best scenario for me."

"But... But i know Bucky since we were a child."

"He has this charm in him,like all the girls will be gather around him"

"You know he enjoyed that very much." There's giggled in his voice

"What's the term in this day.. wait Natasha once told me.. ah Womanizer if I'm not mistaken."

"My points is he used to be the man who has liberal love life. He like a bee who cannot stays in one flower, he will seek another flowers after finish with the last one."

"But with you..."

"When he talks about you,his eyes sparkle,i know he already fall for you so hard tha..."

".. That he thinks he can't stand alone anymore." I finish his sentence.

Bucky once told me this the first time he made his confession about his feeling for me,the first time he opened up himself to me.

"I know,he said that to me." I look blanky to the waterfall.

I take a deep breath and exhale. Tilt my head to the sky.

...

"I just want to be with him,Steve."

"I don't think i can't manage another goodbye with him"

"The fact that he's gonna put under in cryo is already terrified me."

"Now he's gonna send me away.. i just.. i just don't want to leave him alone" Tears coming down from my eyes, I become cry baby lately

"I know you think maybe there's no difference between me here or in safe place, because he's sleep, so i can' make interactions with him anyway."

"But i.. but at least i can see his face whenever i want if i stay in Wakanda."

...

"Am I ask to much?" I look at him.

He looked me back sympathetically.

"No you're not Gemma." He answered.

I give him weak smile.

..

Steve's right my feet feel a little bit lighter after our conversation. I go back to my room. But instead to mine, i stop in front of Bucky's I try to wiggle the knob,it's not lock. I make my way inside. The lights still out. The moonlights shine through his window pane. It makes his room not as dark as it should be. I walk to his desk,there another new notebooks on it. He still doing this, i smile at it. I grab one, the one he still writing,i read it. It's all about me,about how he felt when he has to leave me,about how he miss me,how he blames himself for what happen, about his insecurity, about his angst. I read it page by page, the last jounal he made was date yesterday. I read it and i feel his heartache,his agony.

I cry again,gosh i hate myself for being weak.

Then i feel his warm behind me,i know he's already standing behind me. He touch my hand,buried his face in my hair. He trail his kiss to my right ears,i can feel the warmth of his breath in my ears. His breath sound,i still close my eyes let the sensation thrill me more. He kiss my neck, i moan,he become more agitated after hearing my moan. He takes my left wrist,turn my body over to him,his hand already at the hem of my blouse. He touch my skin, trail his hand upward from my thighs,my butt, my waist and my boobs. I don't wear any bra,makes it easier to him to pinch my hard nipples. I help him lift my blouse upright. I cling to him, he moves backward to bed. He sits at the end of the bed with me on his lap still with my wet panty on. I slid his shirt up,he still fucking his tongue inside my mouth. I scratch his back so deep that i thinks i make a wound scratch. I pull his hair told him to take off his pants. He do it,he's freeing his hard cock. Oh i miss him so much. I slides my wet panty on his thighs as grab his shaft and doing it hard. He growl like a beast. His hand slide down my panty, i lift my hip a little make an entrance for him to go inside me. I moan his name as he enters,his cock hasn't completely enlarge so he become bigger and bigger inside me. I tilt my head back,now his fucking my boobs with his tongue. The fact that he's so good with his tongue is really drive me crazy. I make my move,up and down,he help me with lift his hip and makes my thrust become harder and deeper. My muscles stiffened,i arch my back as I'm gonna cum. He said with his panting voices

"No,don't come yet,wait.. stay with me Gemma..stay.."

"We've come together baby."

I tried to hold myself not to cum,but i think i can't. The sensation it's to intense

"I can't hold it any longer.Bucky."

" I'm gonna cum" I hold his back tighter,make anoter finger scratch wound.

"Yes,come with me baby." He came too. He sprut his semen inside me,flooding my vaginal canal.

..

I don't know why but i think I'm to tired to doing another round with him. So asked him to hold me tight,and i fall asleep in his arm.


	8. I Love You Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the last chapter of the wounded man i loved. I haven't write anything yet after this..  
> have couples ideas to continued it, but i really want to stick with MCU plot lines.. so maybe I'll continue it someday if the new movie comes in theather.  
> Or do i have to make my own version without stick to MCU plots?  
> What do you think? Let me know..  
> please comments below..  
> hv great day anyway..

When i open my eyes,i see him sleeping in front of me. His face is so close to mine,i can hear his soft snoring. I kiss his nose lightly,he open his eyes and give me a beautiful smile.

"Good morning,beautiful"

I buried my face on his scruffy neck. He hold me tighter. I don't wanna to let him go.

..

We spend our last day peacefully. No more yelling or arguing. I decide to spend my day with him with beautiful memories. We walk to the gardens, talk about random things, hang out with the others.

Bucky's finally agree with the idea of me stay in Wakanda. T'Chala and Steve have to make sure him harder if they can protect me and make sure I'm safe. I'm glad he let me stay.

We still doing sex of course. As many as we can. He still don't want to go too rough to me as he's afraid to break me. I understand how his minds work so i just let him and not complaining. I'm done complaining. Speaking of the devil, I don't remember when the last time i got my depo shot. I think it was 5 months ago? I supposed to get that around time where Bucky's left but i totaly forgot. The fact that we doing unprotected sex,makes me wonder do i get pregnant after this. But I decided not to think about that so much. If something happen,then let it be.

...

On our last night before the cryo,I ask him,could we just spend this night cuddling and maybe have a long late night chat. He likes my idea,so i just lay beside him,stares his face as longer as i can, close my eyes and try to save as many memories as i can. He just stares me back in silent,his face looks so peaceful unlike the first day i got here.

"I'm glad i used to sleep at the left side of the bed,because the fact that you're lost your left arm is not be problem for us for spooning" i tell him wittily.

He giggled, "Yeah you're right, Gem"

"But i know you miss my metal arm,don't you?"

"Yeah,kind of.. " i answer 

"T'Chala said that he will try to make one for you again,Buck, did he tell you yet?"

"Yes,he is" he smile weakly.

...

"What? Tell me what's bothering you again baby?" I asked him worryingly

"You've promised me,no more secrets,remember?"

He take a deep breath before he continue,caress my hair and tuck them behind my earlobe.

"I'm worried about you.. if you want me to be honest."

"..and before you complain about my answer,i need you to promised to me first." He put his thumb on my lips to hush me before i open my mouth complain about his last sentence.

"Promise me you'll have enough sleep,leave the Xanax alone." "Promise me you'll ask for help from T'Chala and his doctors if you get troubles sleeping again,Ok."

"Promise me,you'll eat properly and don't let yourself not eat for a long time of period."

"Promise me,to stay out of troubles,do what Steve said for the sakes of your safety. Sam maybe sometimes become pain in the ass,but i know he can substitute Steve if he's not around,he's a soldier after all."

"Promise me,if everything goes wrong... " He paused before continue his sentence

"If anything goes wrong i want you to move on your life,find a happiness, life the fullest."

"Promise me that"

...

I touch his jawline gently, "You know without even you ask i already do all of that."

"I think i won't try to touch Xanax anymore, i already cope my sleeping issues,thanks to T'Chala's psychiatrist,he put me in a great hypnotherapy. It helps."

"For my eating problem,well I don't think it's a problem anymore. I mean i already gain 3 pounds in 2 days because Wanda and Scott making me their food tester. Actually I'm little bit afraid if they keep doing that,the next time you awake from your long-term sleep,i would be as big as hippopotamus."

He burst to laugh and scrunch his nose,he hold me tighter.

"I will anticipate that,surely"

I punch him jokingly on his chest with witty expression "What you mean by that"

"The hippopotamus vesion of you of course,if i close my eyes right now,i already imagined it."

"You'll be so cute"

"Like in the cartoon we once watched,the sassy female hippopotamus with his friends try to escape to Madagascar,remember?"

.

"Yeah the movie called Madagascar and her name is Gloria."

"SHIT,are you really want me to be as big as hippo?"

.

"I don't care how big you are,Dolls"

"It doesn't matter for me." He caress my hair again and give me dearly look.

I scoofed,  "How about if when you're wake up,I will be like 10 years older than you now, wrinkles all over my face and as big as hippo,i bet you'll think twice."

"Not in million years darling.. not in millon years.." his eyes meet mine,his blue eyes mesmerizing me.

"Really?" I asked with doubt

He kiss my forehead, "After all we've been through, appereance is not my issues anymore."

"I'll choose you upon everything."

"Not a chance for anyone beside you.."

..

I hold him tighter,bury my face on his chest. I'm feeling so lucky to have him.

"Don't worry I'll take care myself like you've been told me, I promised"

"You'll have my word," I held my head up to see his face and kiss his double-chin.

"And for my last term? Would you promise that too,baby? He asked

I don't answer.

...

"Everything will be okay." I said whisperly.

I close my eyes and fall asleep in his arm.

 

...

 

The day has come. Today Bucky will put in cryo again. The scientists still prepared him. I decide to take a look to his chamber, wondering this is the place he's gonna spend his time sleeping for unknown period of time. Steve stand beside me.

"What do you think?"

"I dunno, honestly I still don't like the idea put him in cryo,  but he wants this"

"I asked T'Chala if it gonna hurt him and he says no. So for me right now,as long as it doesn't give Bucky harm,and he really want it.I think i'm okay with that"

Steve just give my shoulder a firm grip.

He goes to Bucky place,they talked about something. But as they spying at me when they're talking,I'm sure they talking about me.

.

"It's time,are you ready James?" T'Chala asked.

"Yes." He walk into the chamber. I stand by the chamber window door, he give me a kiss. A long sweet kiss, he whispers to my ear and step back into the chamber after that. He give me his last dearly look,he close his eyes and immediately he become stiff and blue.

He's frozen.

I put my hand on the chamber window door,put my forehead on it, close my eyes, and whisper.

"I love you too,Bucky"


End file.
